I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
