it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
