just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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