well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
