I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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