So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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