Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
