you win again, gameday.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
