did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
