farters have to be the big spoon...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
