it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
