ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
