I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
