My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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