If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
