Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
