I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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