When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
