Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
