oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
