hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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