Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
