You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
we're so committed to being not committed
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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