You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
