first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
