Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
