You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
