dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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