theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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