More tranny stories later!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
