dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
