He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
handjob tips. give me some.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
