im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
