nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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