His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
