After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
