we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
