i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
