Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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