I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
