Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
