Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Someone shit on the floor
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
