on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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