I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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