Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
A bitchslap is in order.
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