You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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