I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
