6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
