What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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