I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
